Author: copperyuenger

Alligators and Internet Commentors

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I try to stay away from internet comments. People are horrible when they don’t have to look you in the eyes while they talk. But I have peeked here and there in the last couple of days, perhaps filled with a false sense of security from the love shown over the weekend.
Within minutes of The Disney incident being reported, so soon after it happened that the parents clothes were probably still wet, the perfect people of the world came out and started their sermons of how this would never happen to them, what were the parents thinking, and my personal favorite, this seems fishy I bet they killed him (WHAT??!!). There were no details yet and yet people were already entering judgement mode.
 Yesterday I saw a comment that just stuck with me. “Those people should be shot. They don’t deserve to be parents.” I can’t guys. I just can’t. This may be the breaking point where I quit humanity. This person’s mindset is these people need to be shot because of a horrible incident that took their own baby’s life. And I am sure if I had the stomach to continue reading, there would be people agreeing. They took their family on a vacation where dreams are supposed to come true. And now? He is dead. Gone. Never again will his mama be able to sneak a whiff of that magical area where his hair meets his neck. Never again will daddy get to read him a story before bed. He will not potty train, go to kindergarten, learn to ride a bike. He will not date, go to college, fall in love and have his own babies. Gone. Their child was literally dragged into the waters as his father tried with every part of his being to get him back. And people are saying he should rot in hell for “letting it happen”. Have you ever seen a video of an alligator attacking? I have. They are stealth, they are smart, and they are so incredibly powerful. But he didn’t “let”it happen, he fought. He fought when there was little to no chance of him winning. And I guarantee you that he will live with the fact that he wasn’t able to save his child for the rest of his life.
These parents weren’t being negligent. Did they make a bad choice? Perhaps, I am not here to say. But they were doing what thousands, possible millions of people have done before them. There is even a lady on FB who posted pictures of her son literally standing where this little boy was, an hour before. Yes, there are no swimming signs. They were splashing on water’s edge, near a play area, at the happiest place on Earth. They were a family from Nebraska, hindsight may be 20/20 but honestly would it have crossed your mind if you were in their shoes or the shoes of the people before them, that the reason there was no swimming signs was the threat of gators in a man-made lake at Disney. A lake with a freaking beach? The thing is, I don’t know if it would have to me. I think I probably would have allowed my kids to play at water’s edge before we moved to Florida. Before we lived in Florida, I don’t think I knew how real and common alligators were. They were a myth, a running joke about Florida, something you might see if you took an air boat through the Florida Wetlands. I never in a million years before I moved there thought I would ever just see one walking down a road, and yes, that did happen. Having grown up somewhere where bodies of freshwater were our playground, I can say without a doubt that it wouldn’t have occurred to me and I probably would have seen no harm in my child getting their toes wet as the sun set over the castle and we waited for the fireworks to begin.
But then again, I will be the first to admit that I make mistakes. Everyday. We all do, people. Even you, perfect parent over there, tsk tsk’ing. You too. I learn from my mistakes. And then I wake up the next day and make a new set of mistakes. And I count my blessing every damn day that my mistakes and the mistakes of the people around me did not cause tragedy in my life. I count those blessings, one…two…three…every night as I kiss my babies. A kiss on the forehead. An Eskimo kiss. And then a butterfly kiss. And then usually again, because we never get enough Eskimo kisses in this house. I am guessing that mama would do anything for just one more Eskimo kiss. And that is more tragedy than this mama’s heart can bare.

Starting It Off With A Blast!

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Our last day of school was Thursday.We made it. By the hair on our chins. Not the kids, they had an AMAZING year, but Moose and I as parents. Adulting is so freaking hard.

Last Day of School

Bring it 1st and 4th grade! And don’t forget your little buddy, Pre-K!

As soon as we got their sweet tushes off the bus, we headed north to Dallas. My nephew graduated from high school on Sunday and we were ready to celebrate his awesomeness. The drive was wet. Really Texas, we are over the rain. Our kids are excellent road trippers but Red for some reason, wasn’t having it. About every 5 minutes for 4 and a half hours, we heard about how long it was taking to get to his Aunt Kisses.

Moose has more points than any one person should and so we stayed at a hotel. The kids LOVED the fact that they got to see how daddy lives. But not as much as they loved jumping on beds and Texas shaped waffles.

bed jumpers

Two little monkeys jumping on a bed…

Friday was family day. So we got up early and rode the rails. My nephew is passionate about trains and actually works on one that runs between Grapevine and Fort Worth. On certain mornings, they do an hour-long run that is perfect for kiddos. He wasn’t working on Friday but came along anyway to show us around. And to earn some cool points with the kids, as if he needed it. They love their Cousin Ben. Aunt Gwen (the keeper of the candy) and my sisters’ dad, Grandpa Bob came along as well. We had a blast.

Train Collage

Who knows what Blondie and Grandpa Bob were talking about but it looks like it was funny.

Grapevine has a Legoland Discovery Center, we decided to hit that after some lunch. Ben stayed with us. I adore that boy and was super happy to hang with him all day! He leaves for Kansas in a few months and it will be weird to not have him so close by. We will take any time with him that we can get.

PicMonkey Collage

This place is cool ! And look, a store on the way out!

That evening was spent messing around. What the kids don’t know yet is that this buggy is theirs, Uncle Mark found it awhile back at a garage sale and knew they had to have it. Watching them figure out how to drive it was interesting but they will get so much fun out of this bad boy.

messing around

The Dude’s belly flop dive attempt hurt to look at but he did just fine!

Saturday was a tornado of activity. Ben had a great graduation open house, tons of food and friends. We ended the night around the fire pit, eating hot dogs and s’mores with our nieces, Ben, and their friends. This is a great group of kids.


I told them to look natural.

Unfortunately we had to leave early on Sunday so Moose could fly out and we missed the ceremony. But I heard he did great! We could not be more proud of him. Ben has Aspergers and it isn’t always easy for him. But he is a hard worker and has a crap ton of tenacity. He is choosing a career to follow along side his passions and for that, I am excited (and a little jealous) for him. Moving so far away from home isn’t easy for anyone but I have a sneaky suspicion that he will do great!


You can’t road trip in Texas without stopping at Buc-ees!


Library Cards!

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I am currently working on posts about our end of year, our adventure over the weekend, and a series on each of the kids on top of the big announcement. But I wanted to note that today was our first true day of summer at home.

We actually slept in.The Dude staggered in around 7:30 which is 90 minutes later than normal. Moose had to fly out this morning but before he did, he bought us some doughnuts to start the week out right. OR because there wasn’t any food in the house. Whatever. They lasted about 5 minutes.

After he left, they kids went into catatonic states while I fussed around in the office. Screen time on the first day, tsk tsk…. I know but I had things to do. None of which I did but still, I tried.

After lunch, we put clothes on and prepared to enter the real world. Today, our library kicked off their summer reading program. I am all for free programs so we headed over there. Now believe it or not, we have never stepped foot in that library. And it’s been years since we really have used any library. I used to read all the time and even once Blondie was born, I loved all the programs the library offered. But for some reason (the boys), it has just not happened in a long time. But it is on our weekly to do list this summer and so today we walked up to the desk and asked for library cards. Everybody got one, I figured it is never too early for even Red to learn about the process. Once in hand, we went in to pick out our weekly stash. Blondie was in heaven and quickly disappeared in the older kids section. The boys and I wandered around, it took them a minute to grasp the concept.


Let’s all admire Red’s very first library pick

So we are now stocked on books for a week. And I think we did okay, so we should be welcomed back. They have been fairly busy checking out their reads all afternoon. I even managed to put together an office chair, ALL BY MYSELF. I would consider day 1 to be a success.


Published / by copperyuenger / 2 Comments on Almost…There…

We are in the homestretch, people. Two and a half days left of school. Which is about 14 days too long. Seriously, I gave up a while back. I didn’t mean to but I did. I was done arguing with Blondie about brushing her hair. I couldn’t care anymore about whether The Dude’s clothes matched. Hell, I don’t even care if he has underwear on. Folders have been barely checked in weeks, don’t even ask me to sign them. Lunches are an embarrassing game of what crap can I find in the back of the pantry (have some black beans, kids). Bath time barely exists and bedtime has been getting later and later. Every morning has been a battle to get to school. Truth be told, I am not even sure I would have managed getting them to school last week if it hadn’t been for Blondie training for safety patrol. We have just been overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.

But here we are, in the final stretch. It is almost done. The next two and a half months lay in front of us like a temptress. There is no sleeping in at this house, The Dude prefers to see the sun rise. But there will be lazy mornings. And pool days. Sno cones and s’mores. Adventures to be had and boredom to be embraced. We have made plans and set goals. Trips to the library. Trying new food. Maybe a weekend in hill country, if we can ever agree on a tent. The beach. Learning to ride our bikes without training wheels. 50 cent movies. “Late” nights and board games. Fireworks. The possibilities are endless.

For me this summer means all of this and so much more. It means I will officially have a 4th grader and a 1st grader. It will be the last of my time with Red before he heads off to Pre-K in the fall. This is the beginning of the end for me or the light at the end of the tunnel. if you will. I have not been alone since August of 2007. And in a few short months, I will have more free time than I will know what to do with. Perhaps it is more than consequence that this is all happening at the same time I decided to take back some of my life. This summer I will be working hard to improve this blog. I am beginning to look at it as more of a job than a hobby. So you will see more of me. And I have a HUGE project in the works with a great friend. Within a week or so we will be announcing our endeavor and I really hope you enjoy it because I am really enjoying doing it.

What are your plans for this summer?

The Kinder Program Feels

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Today was The Dude’s kindergarten program. The theme was Bugs, he was cast as an army ant. For months, they have been learning songs and practicing their choreography. For months, we have been practicing his coveted 4 speaking lines. We went over and over the lines, memorizing, slowing down our speech and speaking as clearly as possible. He even worked in a little comedy with a big pretend bite at the end of his statement. It has been a long time coming. The build up has been immense. The amount of excitement has been palpable. It was his breakout moment.

There was singing.

Dancing King

The handsome fellow next to him is Other Jack. They are very similar and yet very different. It has been a pleasure watching them go through Kindergarten together and we hope to know him for a long time!.

There was dancing.

army ant3

The Marching Ant song was doubly adorable until he noticed the sound equipment behind him. The boy is his father and is drawn to buttons. I held my breath until he refocused. Even his teacher admitted that she thought he was not going to be able to resist the urge mid-song.

And of course, his big moment!

Best Bite 2

Wait til they have their food in place. 

And they are sitting down just right.

Just when they say “How pleasant this is.”

Give them your very best bite!

Performing with the ants were lady bugs, lightning bugs, one adorable stinkbug who taught everyone a lesson on friendship, and butterflies. He warned me weeks ago that they would be singing a song about caterpillars changing into butterflies that “would make all the mommies cry”. Well, he wasn’t lying. Damn it with the feels. There wasn’t a dry eye in the cafeteria.

Afterwards, the parents joined the kinders for a picnic. Luckily it was dry. Shortly after we wrapped it up, the rain came and the rest of the day has been soggy. It was great fun to watch all these little people who have really grown and gotten to know each other this year run around and play in the field, sticky from celebratory ice pops. A good reminder that we are at a wonderful school.

The Dude’s year is coming to a close. I love watching my kids grow up but I am not a fan of the end of a grade. Between the friends they make, the things they learn, the experiences they have, and the bonds they create with their teachers, seeing that wrap up is almost too much to bear. It makes me sad. A chapter is ending, a new one will begin in a few months. These are the times that I want to hold on to but I know that I can’t and it leaves a weight in my chest. I am incredibly proud of him, my sweet brown-eyed boy. This year could have gone so many different ways for him, it was a gamble to put him in school so soon. But he begged and swore that he was ready. And he is right.

The Day I Put My Boobs In A Panini Press

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Breasts, ta-tas, boobs, pillows, fun bags, sweater kittens, and the list goes on. Whatever you call them, we all have them. Even men. Hello? Moobs. We all have to take care of them. Amongst other things, that includes self examinations and regular monitoring. Especially as we get older.

I am not due for my first mammogram until at least next year. However at my lady doctor appointment, I mentioned some very minor pain I was having and after her exam, she decided to play it safe and request one with an ultrasound after. No biggie. I spent the next 2 weeks truly not stressed out. I have no indicators for cancer. No huge tumors. No symptoms. No family history. Nothing other than  some abnormal pain. My plan if there was something there? Get those suckers taken off and get me some of them fancy 20-year-old boobs. Yes, I know there would be more to it than that but a gal has to look at the positive.

Yesterday, I got the kids off to their respective places and headed to the doctor’s office. The mammogram was no worse than I expected. There is some awkwardness to having someone manuever your body while you stand there topless. And I am not going to lie, it was uncomfortable. However my tech (who, by the way, was maybe 5 feet tall) was very personable and made the process effortless on my part. It took 10 minutes, tops. There ended up being two ultrasounds. First a tech came in and then after the radiologist read the results of that and the mammogram, he did another. The gel was even heated and scented, it was practically a spa experience. If you can see past the strangers touching your girls and the possibility of the C word hanging in the air.

I am clear. He saw nothing to be concerned about. He said the pain is probably a result of one of two things.

A: Hormones. It is slightly possible I am headed into the VERY early stages of menopause.

B (and more likely): Excessive caffeine intake. I MAY drink too much coffee and iced tea.

He suggested that I cut back. In my head, I suggested he shut his dirty mouth. But being the lady I am, I said, “Yes, I will work on that.” In the meantime, I will start taking Vitamin E. It is supposed to make a difference. Because let’s be completely honest. I am not going to cut back. Nobody wants me to do that.

So I have crossed something off my list of turning 40 cons and it wasn’t too scary. Adulting still sucks but in the long run, this stuff is worth it. At the very least, it is reassurance that you are healthy. And at the most, early detection is key to successful treatments and longer lives.

**Full disclosure** I did treat myself afterwards to a Whataburger breakfast sandwich and a medium coffee. It could have been a large. Baby steps, baby steps.

Ticket For One Please.

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I woke up today in a bad place. It has been a long week. The Dude’s flare up caused us to stay inside more than I would have preferred. We are sleep deprived. The kids were rough, who could blame them. They are bored, they don’t feel good, they miss daddy, and spring break has been meh at best. I wish we had left town like I had originally thought of doing. Did I mention that we are electronics free due to an incident two weeks ago where they thought it would be a good idea to tag my fence with a permanent marker? To make things worse, I have had a bad case of woe is me. Two weeks into Moose being gone is where I usually have a few days of being incredibly lonely, it is a tall hill that I eventually get over and slide back down the other side where I am fine. On top of that, life is very up in the air right now which often leaves me very anxious.

I ate an amount of doughnuts this morning that makes me a little ashamed. I let the kids watch several movies when we really should have been doing something productive. Then I had to do something. So I cleaned a little house and took a shower, the first one in several days. In the shower, right after Red brought me the jar of peanut butter to open, I decided to take a break. I need a break. I have every right to one and the only thing holding me back is the lack of desire to put a bra one. Heck, I even have relatively easy child care at my finger tips. No excuse.

So I dropped the kids off and went on my way. I could have easily used this time to hit the grocery, the food pickings at home are worse than slim. Or to Target, Easter is in a week and I have nada for it. But I didn’t. I went to the movies. I walked up to the booth and bought one ticket to a movie that isn’t animated. I went to the counter and ordered a giant extra buttery popcorn and a large soda that I had no intention of sharing. I sat where I wanted to, the very top row, and no one argued about who was going to sit where. I tried to not let it really irritate me when some chick sat one seat over when she had an entire theater to choose from. WTF lady. I silenced my phone and sat back. I didn’t have to shush anyone or take multiple trips to the bathroom or nudge Moose awake when he started to snore. It was nice. And I felt better when it was all done.

I love the movies. Before kids, Moose and I would go all the time. But now we either don’t want to spend the money or when we do get out sans kiddos, we don’t want to spend two hours being quiet. But still, I do love the experience. So every once in a while, I go by myself. I know some people find the thought of solo theater going to be lonely or sad. But I find it to be very therapeutic. It is dark. I can escape into a movie for 2 hours and leave the million voices in my head behind. I don’t have to share an arm rest or my snack with anyone.

I relish being alone. It is rare though with being the primary caregiver to the monkeys, a wife, an employee, a friend. I can’t even tell you if I have ever been alone in this house. I believe I lean towards being an extroverted introvert (is that a real thing?) most of the time but it is often exhausting. Sometimes I need to shut down and today was just what I needed. And I need to do it more often. I believe it will be easier and easier to make this time for myself once Red starts preschool in the fall but for now, I need to make more effort to decompress. I have to be a priority. I spoke with Moose on the way home and I think even he was genuinely happy and relieved to hear that I had done it.

As a final note, I saw Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I went into it a little timid, the reviews have not been good. But I found it to be a great film and I would recommend it. I adore Tina Fey to pieces and she did not disappoint. The casting throughout was well done and the storyline kept my attention easily. Go see it. By yourself. Get extra butter on your popcorn while you are at it. And for the love of all that is good in the world, if you walk into the theater and a woman is sitting by herself, don’t freaking sit by her. She doesn’t need company.


A Promise To My 40 Year Old Self – Part 2

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As noted in my last post, A Promise To My 40 Year Old Self Part 1, 40 is creeping up on me fast. Still not anxious about it. Still just happy to be invited to the party. Still just a bit concerned about how I got to 39 so fast and what I am going to do to enter 40 like a diva.

So here I am. I have been reflecting a lot. Mostly on how I have lost myself and have been drifting along in survival mode for too long. I am guilty of pushing myself to the side and saying, “Maybe tomorrow Copper” too many times. Years have gone by where my goals never change and my to do list never gets checked off. I am making a stand and taking me back. It may not all happen before December 29th and that is okay. Some of it will be a continuous effort on my part. Some of it is deep stuff. Really personal stuff that I struggle with. Some of that I won’t be making public. And some of it is superficial and I make no excuses for that. That superficial stuff that I have allowed to pile up weighs a ton on my shoulders and I am ready to be done with that. Some of it will change. As I go along, things may be replaced by others. Perspective is ever-changing, as is our circumstances, and my priorities shift day-to-day.

The Original 40’s Bucket List

  1. One of my biggest goals for this year is this blog. I really want for this to become something. What that is, I don’t know but I really want it. It is an outlet for me. And I want it to grow. It is a lot to take in and will be a long process though. I have to learn to be more open. I have to learn how to navigate the blog world. I have to learn to be more diligent with my writing. I have taken some big leaps in the last few months and will continue to do so in order to feed this part of myself and maybe even make it into something that benefits my family.
  2. My physical health. I do not focus too much on this number but I am currently at the heaviest weight I have ever been and it is starting to affect me in multiple ways. I lost track of my healthier lifestyle, moved to a different state, and went off a tough medication all within a 2 month period and it has really hurt me. I do not like the way I feel and I do not like the way I look. I don’t have a number in mind but I would love to see myself healthier. I will not be starving myself, cheese and beer are my best friends, but I am open to healthier life choices. I am looking forward to finding my groove again with physical activity. I know what I love, it will just be a matter of making time for me.
  3. My mental health. Full disclosure. I suffer from a wee bit of depression and a shit ton of soul sucking anxiety. The medication I was on for it was effective but a little too much for my liking. I don’t want the anxiety but at the same time, I want to care about things. I didn’t have that on my meds so I went off them. Cold turkey. Not my best decision but not my worst. It has been a rollercoaster and I need to get it in check. I don’t know what the answer to this is but trust me, I will find it.
  4. Parenting. I want to be better. This is tricky. It is about someone else, three little people, but being their mother is my job and I want to be able to say that I did the best I could. I do all right now. My kids are pretty cool. Not giant a-holes. They wear clothing like 75% of the time. They eat veggies and fruits. 1 1/2 of them can wipe their own butt (okay we are working on improving that number). They know they are loved. But we are headed into some interesting times. School. Friends that aren’t siblings. THE PRE-TWEEN YEARS. It is about to get hard and I want to be ready for it.
  5. Being a wife. Again, it involves someone else but it falls within my realm of self-care. Did you know that Moose and I have been married almost 20 years? Marriage isn’t always a fun ride but we have stuck it out and I feel like we are in a good place. But there is always room for improvement and I want that. Two of our biggest downfalls is a)communication (duh) and b) we do not make time for ourselves, like ever. I feel like we are finally falling into a place where life is less of a struggle to survive and we can start to focus on these.
  6. Saying no. This has been my biggest improvement so far. Learning to say no. I am guilty of overwhelming myself to please others and I am not doing it anymore. The past year, I have really made an effort to not say yes to every little thing. Not to Moose and the kids. Not to work. Not to volunteering. Not to friends and family. It has made a big difference on my stress level and I have really noticed that I can give more to everything that I do say yes to because I am not so overbooked. If I have said yes to you, know that I really want to. But also know that if I say no, it isn’t personal. It is just a case of I can’t right now.
  7. Coming up with a serious life plan. This just doesn’t any explanation. I need some direction. Period.
  8. This one is very superficial but so important. I need more me. I am so guilty of putting everything ahead of myself and I am ragged, inside and out. I want to do things I want to do. I want to write. I want to paint. I want to buy books. I want to decorate my house. I want to take vacations. I want to grow. I want all of this and  I WANT NEW UNDERWEAR. Seriously this one right here. Before I turn 40, I want a grip on this. Everything I own is old, stained, ripped, doesn’t fit right, not from the last decade. Nobody has done this to me. I do it to myself. I do not treat myself and it shows. I will own new clothes. I will get more pedicures. I will pluck my eyebrows more and moisturize religiously. I will stop treating myself like someone who doesn’t deserve to feel good about herself. In the words of Donna Meagle, it is time to… anigif_enhanced-23522-1413260756-5

Okay, there ya go. We will see where this goes and I will touch on this subject often. Please feel free to let me know what you think. I would love to know if you think about what you want to change or if you have any “Before I turn ____, I want to ___” revelations.

Now I have to go deal with the repercussions of locking myself in the office for an hour during Spring Break. It sounds like Lord of the Flies out there and I don’t want to but before Red gets hog tied and roasted above a campfire in the living room, I am going to make some sammies and pirate booty.



A Promise To My 40 Year Old Self – Part 1

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I turn 40 this year. In 10 month and 4 days to be exact. We often kid, it is the obligatory thing to do, about the horrors of it. Truth be told though, I am not upset. At all. In the least bit. Come December 29, 2016, I will get up and have what I am sure will be a normal day. There will be no wailing, hair pulling (well, no more than usual), sobbing in an empty tub surrounded by wine bottles. At the most it has made me more reflective on how I have lost myself a little bit. Okay, a lot. Like Grand Canyon size a lot. But alas, I am more of a “Let’s fix this shit.”kinda gal and not a “My life has been wasted, I might as well pick out a grave plot and call it a day.” lady. I do have a list of what I want to accomplish. Some of it is trivial. And some it is huge. And some of it is private and not appropriate to share. Boundaries people, believe it or not I do have them. But first, a pros and con list of turning forty. Because I love lists.


  • Random hairs that only seem to show up when I am nowhere near a pair of tweezers. Seriously, WTF.
  • My cute little grey hairs have literally over night turned into a streak that would make Sooki’s character in X-Men look tame.
  • The lack of bladder control has reached an all time high. I fear sneezes, coughing, laughing, and shopping in the far back of Target.
  • Mammograms and colonoscopies have become more of a reality and less something your mom had to do.
  • Metabolism. I can’t even with that lazy bitch.
  • An increased awareness of important adulty stuff, like retirement plans and something kids these days call a credit score. Neither of which I have.
  • Everything hurts in the morning. I have a sneaky suspicion that I look like Danny Devito’s Penguin as I try to move around before my joints are loosen up.


  • I have to dig my ID out less and less. Which is a good thing, I kinda don’t even know where it is right now.
  • I literally do not give two shits what people think of me anymore. You either like me or you don’t. My dance card is full. I am happy to write your name on the back but really, I am not going to chase you. I don’t have the desire, time, or energy to win people over.
  • Bathing Suits. You would think this would be in the con section, you know with saggy 40 year old boobs and all but nope. I officially have joined the “It is okay to not look great in a suit” club so there is way less stress. While y’all are worrying about your ass in that two piece, I am having a blast swimming with my kiddos and sneaking alcohol in coffee mugs into the community pool.
  • People assume you have your act together. Naturally, how does a person get to 40 without getting it together. I mean, I totally don’t. I walked into Kroger’s the other day with no bra on and bedhead to buy cheese and a chocolate milk. But it is nice to know that people think I do.
  • My car insurance rate isn’t too bad.
  • I am sure there is more, but I am a little hungover right now so I can’t think too hard. My brain cells hate me.

So there ya go. This is going to be a two part blog. It would be terribly long otherwise. So I have chopped it in half and saved the other half for this weekend. I can only assume most of you read this while using the bathroom and I have read that it isn’t good for you to sit on the toilet for too long. You will get the ‘roids (ooh maybe that should be in the con section). So I am doing this for your own good. But please feel free to comment and let me know if you have any pros or cons to add. I would love to hear where others stand on this age thang.

I Just Want To Be Cool…..

Published / by copperyuenger / 4 Comments on I Just Want To Be Cool…..

Last Friday, I got so pissed at Blondie that I yelled. Yelling happens a lot in our house. I am not super proud of that but it is our go to form of communication. I am a work in progress, what can I say. She didn’t even do anything terribly wrong. I didn’t catch her breaking into homes or making meth in her room. Simply I caught her with something outside that I had told her multiple times, including the day before, that she needed to leave in her room. She got me on a bad day and I laid into her as she sat on her bed and cried. After several times of asking/yelling why she took it when she knew I didn’t want her to, she broke down sobbing and said those dreaded words….”I just want them to think I am cool.” This is the point where you could hear my heart shatter into a million pieces.

Blondie, to my knowledge, makes friends very easily. She is adored by the neighborhood kids (the very ones she was trying to impress), younger and older. She has not reported to me any difficulties at school, minus one little girl last year who tried to tell her that it was super weird that she wasn’t more girly. She shrugged that off easily enough or so I thought. I have raised her to be kind to all, a trait that fits her sweet nature and helps her fit in wherever she goes. And yet, she worries about being liked. She worries about being cool. She worries about fitting in. I feel like I am entering into a whole new territory. I struggled at her age with self esteem and fitting in. I struggled until I was in my twenties. I really don’t want her to do that too. I don’t want her to lose who she is in order to fit the norm. because she is different, she is amazing.

Back to last Friday, those words hung in the air for awhile. I took five deep breaths and sat down. “You are so awesome kiddo. And so loved. Why do you feel you need to impress someone? Did something happen?”

“No. I just worry a lot. I know I am a little weird and I think they might realize that one day.”

“Everybody is weird. Weird is good. Otherwise. life would be very boring. I promise you baby, you are impressive in your own right and do not need to go out of your way to impress people to like you. If you have to do that, they are not worth knowing.”

We talked a little longer but somehow my anger dissipated and was replaced with sadness. I am not ready for her to carry these weights on her heart. I don’t know what to do for her when she hurts like this. I don’t want her to change one bit. Not for others. Saturday morning, we went out and got supplies for her Doctor Who themed Valentines box and cards and grabbed some lunch. She seemed to be back to herself but my worry lingers. We haven’t talked again on the subject but we will. Instead at lunch, I put my phone away and let her control the conversation as we slowly ate our fries and sipped our “beers’ (mine was of hops, hers of root). She designed a new superhero and we made up his powers. She spoke briefly of a little crush at school. And then proceeded to go into great detail about Benjamin Franklin and his involvement in the Revolutionary War. I dare say, I may have learned a thing or two. But mostly I just sat there and thought about how cool she was already.20160206_133317